You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
