Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
