Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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