the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
