If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
