I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
