If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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