I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
