It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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