O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
