You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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