so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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