ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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