I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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