just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
