He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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