so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
