Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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