when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
