i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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