How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
