Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
