The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
