I must be too annoying 4 u.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
