He kissed a someone with a penis
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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