it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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