Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
