Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
