He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
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