I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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