Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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