Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
