My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
