a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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