I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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