I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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