matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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