You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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