"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
