I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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