Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
