dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
