My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
