i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I will be naked everywhere
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
