Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
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