I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
