Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
