His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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