I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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