I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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