Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
