last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
