My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
