I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
