After last night, I could never be a politician.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
