im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
