My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize