i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
