so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
