You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
