If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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