Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
