i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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