Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
