I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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