i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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