"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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