So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Pants are for mortals
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
