Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
