margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
