My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
