Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
